Book Review: Side Affects: On Being Trans and Feeling Bad by Hil Malatino
When I first spotted Hil Malatino’s Side Affects: On Being Trans and Feeling Bad, I found myself both intrigued and apprehensive. It’s one thing to dive into a narrative packed with emotional resonance; it’s another to grapple with an academic text that begs deep engagement and contemplation. As someone who navigates the complexities of being trans, my curiosity was piqued. Would this book resonate? Would it offer insights or merely complicate things further?
Upon delving into the pages, I quickly realized that Malatino masterfully bridges the gap between intensely academic discourse and deeply personal narratives. He deftly weaves together his experiences as a transmasculine individual with broader insights into the feelings that many in the trans community may grapple with—dysphoria, envy, isolation, and much more. The thesis that underpins Side Affects is profoundly relatable: our experiences are varied, and feeling “bad” isn’t a solitary journey but a collective one.
Malatino’s stance against oversimplified narratives surrounding transition struck a chord with me. There’s an all-too-common expectation for trans stories to fit neatly into boxes marked “before” and “after,” leaving no room for the chaos of feelings in between. By addressing emotions like fatigue and burnout, he acknowledges the messy reality we often face, and that authenticity is powerful. As I read, I could almost hear my own thoughts echoed in Malatino’s words, thoughts I sometimes hesitated to share out loud.
Despite the heavy presence of gender studies jargon, Malatino’s poetic writing style renders the content not just accessible, but engaging. I found myself immersed in his reflections, willingly pausing to unpack complex terminology because the emotional payoff was worth it. The way he intersperses personal anecdotes with analyses of both fictive and non-fictive texts allows for a rich and multifaceted reading experience. It’s a reminder that truth can be conveyed in various forms.
A notable line from the book that captured my heart was—“We fear that we will lose community, lose our history or future, and lose ourselves if we are not in line with the overarching message of x transgender movement.” This beautifully encapsulated the silent pressures many of us endure. It’s not just about our identities; it’s about the communal ties and cultural histories we hold dear, and the fear of alienation that looms large.
In addition, the historical glimpses into figures like Rupert Raj and Dallas Denny added layers of context that I found eye-opening. Malatino explores the intersections of race, appropriations of culture, and even the surprising dark corners within the so-called “love everybody” ethos. It’s a reminder that no community or movement is without its complications—what a wild ride indeed!
As I closed the book, I couldn’t help but reflect on how it transformed my understanding of both the trans experience and the spaces we occupy in society. Side Affects is a poignant discussion for anyone—trans or cis—willing to wrestle with the uncomfortable truths of humanity. I believe this book could find a home among both trans individuals looking for a voice and cis readers hoping to expand their understanding of the trans experience.
For anyone curious enough to engage thoughtfully and take their time with heavy concepts, Hil Malatino’s work is a profound invitation into a shared journey. While I approached it with trepidation, I emerged feeling seen and validated, and for that, I am grateful. This thoughtful exploration has ignited curiosity in me about how the broader community will receive these reflections, as they deserve to be heard.
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