A Thoughtful Reflection on "Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting"

As a nonbinary trans guy, I was looking forward to diving into Kyl Myers’ memoir, Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting. This book promised insights into raising children without the constraints of assigned genders, an idea that resonates deeply with me as I consider my future parenting journey. However, while Kyl’s intentions are heartfelt and valid, I found myself grappling with some disappointments throughout my reading experience.

First and foremost, I must commend Kyl for their apparent dedication as a parent. Their love for their child, Zoomer, shines through in the intimate anecdotes and personal reflections sprinkled throughout the book. It’s important to note that this is not a guide or step-by-step manual but rather a memoir steeped in personal experience and exploration. I appreciate the accessibility of Kyl’s narrative, which could serve as an eye-opener for those unfamiliar with the notion of gender-neutral parenting. It’s a story that feels relatable, especially for those coming from more cisnormative backgrounds, which is a testament to Kyl’s ability to bridge understanding.

However, it felt like the book often meandered with excessive pages dedicated to a singular theme: being "gender creative." As a reader, I found myself wishing for a more nuanced exploration of Kyl and Zoomer’s lives beyond gender. Kyl’s philosophy tends to dominate the narrative, making it seem like gender is the nucleus of their existence. As someone who views gender as merely a facet of identity, I wanted more emphasis on the multitude of experiences that shape a child’s life. The reality is that childhood is full of rich moments—discovery, challenges, and joy—that extend far beyond one’s relationship with gender.

The term "gender creative parenting" itself started to wear thin as a concept. While I wholeheartedly support the idea that children should navigate their gender identity freely, the repetitive labeling felt somewhat performative. It seems that Kyl’s parenting style, though commendable, risked becoming an identity rather than a practice championing inclusivity.

Kyl’s narrative resonates with the struggles of maintaining a “gender creative bubble.” I was particularly struck by a scene where a curious stranger prompted Kyl to rush through a diaper change, emphasizing a discomfort with visibility that I found troubling. The implications of such moments—the idea of teaching children to view their bodies as something to be concealed—raised alarms about confidence and body positivity that I wish had been addressed directly. Similarly, Kyl’s decision to leave a track meet rather than advocate for Zoomer’s participation reflected a missed opportunity to explore how to engage with a world that still grapples with rigid gender norms.

In conclusion, Raising Them is a heartfelt attempt to share a unique parenting philosophy, yet it left me wanting more depth and broader perspectives. While it did not fully address my concerns as a future parent navigating a gendered world, I believe it will resonate with and educate cisgender readers and those new to these conversations. If anything, Kyl’s memoir serves as a stepping stone toward understanding and opens the door for further discussions about gender in parenting. I hope that, in time, Kyl may share more insights—perhaps once Zoomer can contribute their own voice to this ongoing narrative.

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